


Of All The Synthohol Joints In All The Space Stations In All The Known Universe...

by ruff_ethereal



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space Opera, F/M, Mild Language, POV First Person, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>... This one was where Sashi finally finds herself in a fight she can't win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of All The Synthohol Joints In All The Space Stations In All The Known Universe...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radiowrittenheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> For eliridis on tumblr.
> 
> Yes, the title is a reference to Casablanca.

“Hey baby, want a free xenobiology lesson?”

I looked at the alien and wrinkled  my  nose. They looked like a giant cockroach with  bio-luminescent features, clad in a space age trench coat with an appropriately sleazy look on their face. 

I  sighed quietly and went back to ignoring  my  surroundings. Humanity could achieve space-age colonization, achieve a permanent spot in intergalactic society, and be so ubiquitous no one batted an eyelash, human or alien ( if they had them or an equivalent  body part ), but getting hit on by creeps just by being a woman in a bar was  a problem that was  here to stay.

In fact, so many things were exactly the same on Earth as it was in this dimension; it seemed for all intelligent lifeforms capable of civilization and space-travel, the concept, design, and appeal of certain buildings like a cheap, trashy space station dive bar/den of sin and illegal activity was universal. 

“I promise I'm much better than the males of your species, honey.” The creep continued. “You know what they say: once you go xeno...”

I simultaneously wondered and was repulsed by how an alien species had developed a means of suggestively waggling their eyebrows that you didn't see so much as feel. I resolved to ignore him harder and wrapped my fingers tighter around my glass of swill, one I'd bought just to blend in and avoid a beef with the bartender.

“C'mon, baby, just give me a shot!” The creep whined, before he put his hand on my shoulder.

Quick as lightning, I grabbed his wrist, spun him around, and slammed him into the bar. I grabbed his other wrist and held his two arms behind his back.

It would have been a neat end to the fight if he hadn't had four other arms under his coat.

The extra limbs tore out from his clothes and grabbed at me. Their reach wasn't any better than a human's, but they had the advantage of numbers and the element of surprise. I tried to fight them off, but there was only so much you could do while you had both your hands occupied and your feet were useless.

In seconds, the tables turned on me: now _I_ was the one pinned to the bar, with the added humiliation of getting my face slammed and held down onto the sticky and beer-spill filled counter. I tried to reach over and grab him again, but his three arms quickly grabbed mine, and stretched them back as far as they could go before they started tearing right off.

Pain shot through my system. I tried to hold back my scream, and failed. I tried kicking back at the creep, but each strike went wide as he tugged my arms back just a _little_ bit more, sending another dose of agony rocketing up my spine.

If that wasn't bad enough, I could feel his one remaining arm patting me down, sticking into my pockets, trying to find the artifact I was supposed to be guarding. I squirmed and struggled, trying to buy time and make it hard for him to find the right pocket, but it was only a matter of time until he stuck his hand into the right pouch and--

“Let her go.”

I heard the soft, distinctive whine of a blaster charging up. The creep's hold on me loosened, but I could feel him slowly pulling the artifact out.

“Drop it, too, or I shoot you anyway.”

The creep silently cursed in some alien tongue filled with his mandibles clicking and buzzing, a _disgusting_ noise if I ever heard one. His pincers let go of the artifact and the pickpocketing hand came out empty.

I gasped as he finally let go of my arms. They throbbed and stung from being held back for so long, but at the very least, they were free. I pushed myself off that filthy bar, spun around and saw what was happening with my own two eyes.

Penn had burst out of the backroom and aimed his blaster right at the creep.

The creep had all six of his arms raised, his eyes and glowing features given Penn the harshest glare I'd ever seen.

The bartender had two separate blasters trained on each of them, both fully charged and ready to fire. They called out the creep's species' name, some sort of order of sounds unpronounceable to humans and our vocal chords. “Get outta here.” They continued, and the creep shuffled off.

The guns remained trained on both of them as the bartender turned their attention to Penn; his blaster was pointing down at the ground, the uncharged coils humming softly.

“Clip. _Now.”_

Penn quickly unloaded his gun, dropped the power cell, and kicked it away.

“Good. Now you and your friends get the hell out of here, too.”

Me and Penn shuffled out of the bar, Boone following close behind with one of the backroom bouncers. The beefy alien sneered at us as they stood in the doorway, completely blocking it with their body. Their buddies standing guard outside the door gestured for us to move along, and we did, going back to one of the designated “Safe Zones” where the local peacekeepers could actually do something.

Penn loaded a fresh energy cell into his blaster, the lights on it glowing once more. Then, he flipped it over and held it out to me, handle first.

Normally, I'd have glared at him for even _implying_ that I'd need it, but after that incident, I didn't hesitate to take the gun and give it a permanent place in my hand.

Penn looked me up and down, a worried look on his face. “You okay, Sash?”

“I'm fine.” My arms still hurt, I was still shaking inside from how close that call was, and my face needed a good scrubbing with bleach after making contact with that bar, but I'd live. “Did you get anything from our lead?”

Penn shook his head. “No.”

“We were about to get something good but then, uh... that happened.” Boone continued.

I frowned. “I'm sorry.”

Penn frowned. “Sorry for what?”

“For ruining our lead! If I hadn't tried to--”

Penn put both his hands on my shoulders, and looked me square in the eye. “Sashi: I don't care that I lost our lead, I care that you're safe and that alien didn't hurt you too badly. You're _way_ more important to me than getting the mission done, alright?"

His eyes softened. “We can find another way to win, but I can't find another you.”

The words he just said, and how he said it suddenly turned my brain to mush, my legs to jelly, and my heart to a spindrive going at maximum RPM; part of me wanted to stop and figure out what the hell was happening and why I was feeling so funny, a different part wanted to keep going, see what was going to happen next, and see if I could feel even stranger…

Boone coughed.

The trance shattered like glass. Me and Penn blinked, and blushed as we realized that our faces had somehow gotten closer together without us realizing.

Our lips were level with each other.

Like we were about to--

“So, the mission!” I blurted as I quickly pulled away.

Penn pulled back just as fast and coughed nervously. “Ah, yeah, right! Mission… let's go find someone else who might know something, shall we?”

“I heard something about an oracle down at the greenhouse.” Boone offered.

“Sounds good, let's head there right now!” I said as I stepped toward the nearby tram system.

“Right behind you, Sash!” Penn said as he awkwardly shuffled after me.

The trams were four a car, two up front, two on back. I took the back while Boone and Penn took the front.

The awkwardness between us was gone by the time we screamed through and around the magnetic levitation tunnels and made it to the greenhouse, but a little question kept niggling in the back of my head:

What would have happened if Boone hadn't stopped us…?

I shut it up and focused on finding this oracle, or any lead that could get us closer to getting this mission done.

There'd be time for that later, when there wasn't an artifact in my pocket attracting Rippen, Larry, and dozens of other alien creeps.


End file.
